That Guy Ajay

If there is anyone or anything in this entire world that I am shit scared to face, it's me. I don't remember a single day in my entire life of 30 years when I deliberately sat all alone and looked at myself. I don't mean looking at my physical body, but my mind which is obsessed with thinking all day. The mind hasn't stopped thinking ever since it had become capable of thinking. My mind creates thoughts, then thinks about those thoughts, trapping itself in an endless loop, one I have no control over. I call it the subconscious mind, a part of my mind that I believe is separate from my "actual" mind and I have accepted that I have no control over it. My subconscious mind runs in the background all day and night, while I go about my life using my actual mind. I treat my subconscious mind like any other internal part of my body that has its own intelligence, like the heart or liver which functions without my thinking.  I use my actual mind, which I think I have c...

The way the world is advancing, you can learn anything from the comfort of your home; you can meet people from every corner of the world just by swiping right on your mobile; you have endless opportunities to make money literally out of thin air; you can be anything, go anywhere, do almost everything; the choices are virtually limitless. We have all the freedom to live our lives in the way we please, yet we struggle to choose what we want. Freedom is supposed to make our lives easy, but are we really living easy lives? Life seems easier when we have someone to make decisions for us. Because we don't have the responsibility of making a choice, and we have someone to blame if things don't go right. Freedom is a difficult thing to handle. It comes with responsibility and accountability and more scope for regret. Every day we are encountered with so many options and choices to choose from that we constantly have to take decisions. The ideal way is to explore all the options and dec...

I've spent a lot of time trying to understand what makes a relationship truly successful. I observed people in happy relationships, read books, and listened to lectures on the subject, but I still couldn't find the answer. It’s baffling that, despite the importance of relationships to our existence, we haven’t figured out how to make them work. Marriage, one of the tools invented to make relationships last, works only by forcing you to be in the relationship even when it's not actually thriving. The idea of marriage is given false significance by linking it to religion, duty, morals, and societal standards.  I wasn't just seeking answers for marital or romantic relationships but for all the relationships between people. Like the relationship between parents and children, the relationship between friends, relatives, or any other human relationship. I started questioning myself: Why am I seeking a relationship with another person? We tend to seek what we lack, but what ex...

I have yet to meet anyone who doesn't find sex enjoyable. If there is one thing that the entire human population who existed, who exists, and surely, who will exist, is going to find pleasurable, it is sex. When you think about it, there is nothing else like sex that is universally liked by everyone. Sex isn't an elusive dream available only to a fortunate few. It's accessible for everyone, and it's a routine for many. Still, sex remains exciting. It really surprises me how we aren't bored of having sex, and I can't stop myself from thinking what could it be that makes sex so good. It definitely isn't just pleasure. Because we tend to get bored of everything in life, it doesn't matter how pleasurable we find it in the beginning. Sex is perhaps the only activity that retains the pleasure and excitement even when indulged in excessively.  What is so good about sex? I think that we are fundamentally designed to like sex. Because it's necessary for the e...

The cruelest person, as we have been told, is the one who is selfish. Is there any truth in it actually? What is selfishness anyway? As per the dictionary, selfishness is "thinking only about your own needs or wishes and not about other people’s." Isn't that what we all are? Selfish people. Are we all not thinking about our own needs and wishes? And I don't see anything wrong in that. If we are not taking care of our own needs and wishes, who else is going to? If we are not supposed to be selfish and take care of others, wouldn't that breed a whole lot of people who live irresponsible lives and expect help from people who lived responsible lives? Who is selfish here? Is it the one who has taken care of themself responsibly and doesn't depend on anyone else? Or is it the one who lived an irresponsible life and demands help from others?  Of course, there are some unfortunate people affected by life, but not because of their irresponsibility, who aren't able ...

I often wondered why I have the anxieties I do. Why am I different from others? Why do I worry about things that most people don't even think about? When did things go wrong? Is it possible to overcome these anxieties as though they never existed? These questions lingered in my mind as I meticulously traced back through my life, year by year for as long as I could remember recalling every negative incident and experience. Not surprisingly, there were countless, helpless and hopeless incidents and I can recollect them vividly. Many of these happened when I was between 4 and 15 years old, and I can see now how they shaped who I am today. It was a great relief to find out the reasons behind my anxieties. I have found myself blaming various things like family, friends, teachers and environment for making me who I am today. I was convinced that I wasn't born with anxieties, but picked them up along the way. No matter who you are, where you were born and who you were born to, no chil...

You are either greater or lesser only in comparison. I still vividly remember as a child how I would compare myself with others and in that comparision I would always feel inferior. Because wasn't exceptional in studies, sports or particularly cute and charming. This early experience developed inferiority complex that I haven't fully overcome, although I am proud of what I have become and where I am heading in life. Comparison seems fair and reasonable. In childhood we were taught to compete with others and do better than them. Competition is essentially another form of comparison. To compete is to compare and do better, always. We were led to beleive that the only way to progress is by comparison and competing against those around us. However, the problem is that competition is endless. There is always someone better than you. Even when you reach the top, you continue to compare to maintain your position. There perpetual pressure to perform better and better to stay and remain...