Why can't we face ourselves?

If there is anyone or anything in this entire world that I am shit scared to face, it's me. I don't remember a single day in my entire life of 30 years when I deliberately sat all alone and looked at myself. I don't mean looking at my physical body, but my mind which is obsessed with thinking all day. The mind hasn't stopped thinking ever since it had become capable of thinking. My mind creates thoughts, then thinks about those thoughts, trapping itself in an endless loop, one I have no control over. I call it the subconscious mind, a part of my mind that I believe is separate from my "actual" mind and I have accepted that I have no control over it. My subconscious mind runs in the background all day and night, while I go about my life using my actual mind. I treat my subconscious mind like any other internal part of my body that has its own intelligence, like the heart or liver which functions without my thinking. 

I use my actual mind, which I think I have control over, to keep myself distracted all day by doing all sorts of activities, be it physical or mental. There are necessary tasks to take care of my body like cleaning, cooking, eating, washing and everything in between. Then, I have activities to take care of the place that I stay at and the people that I live with. Then, I have to work and earn money to survive which takes most of my time. I spend some time thinking about all these activities, and the rest of the time I spend in finding pleasure be it playing, using phone mindlessly scrolling, sex and whatever brings pleasure. And, sometimes when I have nothing to do, I feel lonely and I immediately find a distraction because I am scared of loneliness. Because, in loneliness I have to face the thoughts that have been continuously running in my subconscious mind, which I have been ignoring all my life. These thoughts are scary because they are either about what has happened in the past or what might happen in the future and they aren't facts, but a mechanism of brain that wants us to protect ourselves by using our past experiences to be prepared for the future. Not just my individual experiences, but the experiences that the entire mankind has gone through and is going through because my brain isn't just mine and brand new, but it's the same brain that you or anyone else in the world has, that has learned and evolved through experiences from thousands of years. We don't realise that we all share the same brain because we don't often discuss our thoughts. Don't you wonder about the purpose of life? Don't you question what happens after death? Don't you feel jealousy, greed, anger, fear, loneliness? Fundamentally we all have the same thoughts because we have the same brain. 

Now, when we are alone and don't have any distractions we have to face the thoughts that are running subconsciously. For instance, most of us are afraid of death. When we think about death, we start thinking how am I going to die? Do I have to suffer before I die? What happens to my family after my death? These thoughts are scary, so we go back to distract ourselves. Or, you may be clever enough to analyse thoughts and face them with logic. Take death as an example. You might face it with logic, telling yourself: "I am healthy, so I am not going to die anytime soon. My family has enough money to survive after me. Death is only for the physical body, not the soul." You may feel better in that moment, but the thought doesn't end in totality because the thought itself isn't real and thoughts about the thought are certainly not real. Hence, the thoughts remain and will haunt you for a lifetime, and you may not always have the energy and courage to face the thoughts.

How did we even accept that the subconscious mind is something different from the actual mind? The thoughts that we think happen subconsciously are basically the thoughts that we failed to act on when they first occured and all the thoughts that we ignored pile up and run in loop endlessly using all our energy.

I have realised that the only way to truly live is to be aware of every single thought that arises, and to act on it immediately with all our energy so that the thought dies that very moment and doesn't continue living endlessly in what we call our subconscious mind.