That Guy Ajay

I often wondered why I have the anxieties I do. Why am I different from others? Why do I worry about things that most people don't even think about? When did things go wrong? Is it possible to overcome these anxieties as though they never existed? These questions lingered in my mind as I meticulously traced back through my life, year by year for as long as I could remember recalling every negative incident and experience. Not surprisingly, there were countless, helpless and hopeless incidents and I can recollect them vividly. Many of these happened when I was between 4 and 15 years old, and I can see now how they shaped who I am today. It was a great relief to find out the reasons behind my anxieties. I have found myself blaming various things like family, friends, teachers and environment for making me who I am today. I was convinced that I wasn't born with anxieties, but picked them up along the way. No matter who you are, where you were born and who you were born to, no chil...

You are either greater or lesser only in comparison. I still vividly remember as a child how I would compare myself with others and in that comparision I would always feel inferior. Because wasn't exceptional in studies, sports or particularly cute and charming. This early experience developed inferiority complex that I haven't fully overcome, although I am proud of what I have become and where I am heading in life. Comparison seems fair and reasonable. In childhood we were taught to compete with others and do better than them. Competition is essentially another form of comparison. To compete is to compare and do better, always. We were led to beleive that the only way to progress is by comparison and competing against those around us. However, the problem is that competition is endless. There is always someone better than you. Even when you reach the top, you continue to compare to maintain your position. There perpetual pressure to perform better and better to stay and remain...

As someone who has been suffering from anxiety for a significant part of my life, I feel that it's my responsibility to let people with anxiety know that they are not alone and educate others as to how to help if someone they care about is going through anxiety.  Firstly, it's important to understand what it really means when someone is going through anxiety.  Many of us have been using the word 'anxiety' very loosely in our day-to-day conversations, and the word doesn't hold the weight it's supposed to anymore. This makes people underestimate how anxiety can affect someone experiencing it. Let's imagine these situations: 1. You are in a jungle and are confronted with a tiger, you will be naturally scared to death because there is a high possibility that the tiger could attack you.  2. You are in a jungle. You are not confronted with a tiger, but you are aware that there is a tiger in it. In this case, you will be naturally anxious because there is a certain...

I am an overthinker. I think so much that I forget to live in the present. I love to think about my past and analyze, over-analyze every choice I made, every turn I took, every word I spoke, pretty much everything I did and everything I hadn't done. Needless to say, I regret all my past. If given a chance, I would love to go back and change everything. But I wonder, if I had an opportunity to change my past, would my future self be happy or still regret?  Because I make decisions based on what I feel is right at that moment, in that situation and at that phase of my life. I was a different person at that person at that moment and that person felt that was the right thing to do. I've evolved and I'm a different person now. I may have become good or bad, but I'm different. This new person may not be able to fathom the past situation and envision the rationale behind the old person's choices. Anyway, what's the point in thinking about the past when I can't chan...

I thought about too many things, far too many times, for too many days, yet nothing ever changed until I stopped thinking and started to act.  Think, think, think... think before you speak, think before you do, think even before you think - The more and more I thought, the more miserable my life became. I spent years together thinking. It all started in my childhood when I used to think about doing something, spending too much time thinking, but I was never able to do that something. Then, I got tired of thinking about that one thing and started thinking about something new. I thought about this new thing for a hell of a lot of time and got tired of thinking about it too when I found something else to think about. All I did was think and never act on anything. Eventually I had accumulated too many things to think about. I'd think about one thing, then I'd feel bad that I wasn't able to do it, then, I'd switch to thinking about another thing, then something else, then a ...

Not even in my wildest imagination did I ever think that I would love someone. As someone who never loved oneself, I never really thought that I could love someone else. But, miracles happen. That's the magic of life. They say it's too difficult, almost impossible, to find someone you truly love. Miraculously, you may find the love of your life. It's not easy, but possible. The most difficult part I think is to not give up on love. Love is enough to bring two people together, but love isn't enough to live together. It takes strength. It takes courage. It takes sacrifices. It takes trust. But, is it worth it to use all your strength and courageously fight for someone you trust and love while sacrificing everything you have? Can you just let that person go with all the love intact? The real question is should you marry the person you love? The word love is used so loosely that nobody ever believes in it anymore. Our lives have become so mechanical and materialistic that w...

I remember a few years ago I had nothing to worry about. I didn't have a great life, but a comfortable life. Yet, I always used to compare myself with others and dreamt of having a different life, if not a better life. There were times when I used to worry because I had nothing really to worry about. I felt like I wasn't living my life fully, hence I didn't have any worries. Do you know that feeling? You see everyone around me had something to worry about. Someone was going through break up, someone was struggling financially, someone's visa was rejected and someone lost their job. It's not whether they were successful or not. But, they had something to worry about. They are trying something in life. They had problems to solve everyday they wake up. Their lives were interesting. I used to feel like there should be something happening in life. And, there I was who was living a boring and dull life without trying to do anything. I wanted my life to be happening. I wan...