That Guy Ajay

I am an overthinker. I think so much that I forget to live in the present. I love to think about my past and analyze, over-analyze every choice I made, every turn I took, every word I spoke, pretty much everything I did and everything I hadn't done. Needless to say, I regret all my past. If given a chance, I would love to go back and change everything. But I wonder, if I had an opportunity to change my past, would my future self be happy or still regret?  Because I make decisions based on what I feel is right at that moment, in that situation and at that phase of my life. I was a different person at that person at that moment and that person felt that was the right thing to do. I've evolved and I'm a different person now. I may have become good or bad, but I'm different. This new person may not be able to fathom the past situation and envision the rationale behind the old person's choices. Anyway, what's the point in thinking about the past when I can't chan...

I thought about too many things, far too many times, for too many days, yet nothing ever changed until I stopped thinking and started to act.  Think, think, think... think before you speak, think before you do, think even before you think - The more and more I thought, the more miserable my life became. I spent years together thinking. It all started in my childhood when I used to think about doing something, spending too much time thinking, but I was never able to do that something. Then, I got tired of thinking about that one thing and started thinking about something new. I thought about this new thing for a hell of a lot of time and got tired of thinking about it too when I found something else to think about. All I did was think and never act on anything. Eventually I had accumulated too many things to think about. I'd think about one thing, then I'd feel bad that I wasn't able to do it, then, I'd switch to thinking about another thing, then something else, then a ...

Not even in my wildest imagination did I ever think that I would love someone. As someone who never loved oneself, I never really thought that I could love someone else. But, miracles happen. That's the magic of life. They say it's too difficult, almost impossible, to find someone you truly love. Miraculously, you may find the love of your life. It's not easy, but possible. The most difficult part I think is to not give up on love. Love is enough to bring two people together, but love isn't enough to live together. It takes strength. It takes courage. It takes sacrifices. It takes trust. But, is it worth it to use all your strength and courageously fight for someone you trust and love while sacrificing everything you have? Can you just let that person go with all the love intact? The real question is should you marry the person you love? The word love is used so loosely that nobody ever believes in it anymore. Our lives have become so mechanical and materialistic that w...

I remember a few years ago I had nothing to worry about. I didn't have a great life, but a comfortable life. Yet, I always used to compare myself with others and dreamt of having a different life, if not a better life. There were times when I used to worry because I had nothing really to worry about. I felt like I wasn't living my life fully, hence I didn't have any worries. Do you know that feeling? You see everyone around me had something to worry about. Someone was going through break up, someone was struggling financially, someone's visa was rejected and someone lost their job. It's not whether they were successful or not. But, they had something to worry about. They are trying something in life. They had problems to solve everyday they wake up. Their lives were interesting. I used to feel like there should be something happening in life. And, there I was who was living a boring and dull life without trying to do anything. I wanted my life to be happening. I wan...

I am not sure how many of you actually think about what to do in life, but that question has been lingering on my mind for as long as I remember and I had different answers at various times in my life. I see a successful businessman and I want to do business, I see a famous actor and I want to act, I see a powerful politician and I want to enter politics and the list never ends. In retrospection, it didn't actually matter what I wanted to become, I ultimately wanted power, fame, money, security and success. The outcome always excited me but I wonder why I never actually asked myself if I would enjoy being a businessman, a politician or an actor. What if I really work hard and become a successful businessman but I don't enjoy doing business? Maybe sometimes I'll enjoy the money, fame, power and all the rest of it that comes with success. But, is it really worth spending the majority of my life doing something that I don't enjoy? I strongly believe that life's purpose...

As I'm typing now my hands are trembling, my heart is pounding and hundreds of thoughts running in my mind, all the thoughts lead to one thing "Anxiety". I'll try my best to express my feelings in words with the limited vocabulary I possess.  According to me there are 2 types of fears, the fear that has a cause and the fear that doesn't. We all have fears that have a cause like fear of meeting new people, fear of heights, fear of dark, etc. These fears can be dealt with; when we know what we are afraid of at least we have a fighting chance to overcome them. But the fears that don't have a cause are the toughest. Because, when you don't even know what's worrying you how can you deal with it? Ever since this lockdown started I'm fighting with such fears. Some nights I go to sleep just hoping to wake up to another morning. I think I have had anxiety for several years now however, I've started to notice it in this lockdown. That could be because, d...

8 billion people, the internet that keeps the world connected, thousands of books to read, endless news to watch, super smart phones to keep us entertained, and we still feel lonely. How the f*** is that even possible? I have to admit that I feel lonely for the major part of the day. I should also tell you that I have a family that loves me, relatives who care for me, friends who are just a call away and a job that I enjoy. I wonder why I still feel lonely when I have so many lovely people around me? I sat one day to figure out from when exactly did I start feeling lonely? I am definitely sure I never encountered loneliness as a child. I was maybe left alone at times but never felt lonely; even when I had no one around and had nothing to do. I think maybe it's because as a child I never thought about who I was and what I wanted? I look back and realise those are the 2 questions for all the misery in my life. Okay, let me explain. In my early childhood I didn't know th...