That Guy Ajay

Not even in my wildest imagination did I ever think that I would love someone. As someone who never loved oneself, I never really thought that I could love someone else. But, miracles happen. That's the magic of life. They say it's too difficult, almost impossible, to find someone you truly love. Miraculously, you may find the love of your life. It's not easy, but possible. The most difficult part I think is to not give up on love. Love is enough to bring two people together, but love isn't enough to live together. It takes strength. It takes courage. It takes sacrifices. It takes trust. But, is it worth it to use all your strength and courageously fight for someone you trust and love while sacrificing everything you have? Can you just let that person go with all the love intact? The real question is should you marry the person you love? The word love is used so loosely that nobody ever believes in it anymore. Our lives have become so mechanical and materialistic that w...

I remember a few years ago I had nothing to worry about. I didn't have a great life, but a comfortable life. Yet, I always used to compare myself with others and dreamt of having a different life, if not a better life. There were times when I used to worry because I had nothing really to worry about. I felt like I wasn't living my life fully, hence I didn't have any worries. Do you know that feeling? You see everyone around me had something to worry about. Someone was going through break up, someone was struggling financially, someone's visa was rejected and someone lost their job. It's not whether they were successful or not. But, they had something to worry about. They are trying something in life. They had problems to solve everyday they wake up. Their lives were interesting. I used to feel like there should be something happening in life. And, there I was who was living a boring and dull life without trying to do anything. I wanted my life to be happening. I wan...

I am not sure how many of you actually think about what to do in life, but that question has been lingering on my mind for as long as I remember and I had different answers at various times in my life. I see a successful businessman and I want to do business, I see a famous actor and I want to act, I see a powerful politician and I want to enter politics and the list never ends. In retrospection, it didn't actually matter what I wanted to become, I ultimately wanted power, fame, money, security and success. The outcome always excited me but I wonder why I never actually asked myself if I would enjoy being a businessman, a politician or an actor. What if I really work hard and become a successful businessman but I don't enjoy doing business? Maybe sometimes I'll enjoy the money, fame, power and all the rest of it that comes with success. But, is it really worth spending the majority of my life doing something that I don't enjoy? I strongly believe that life's purpose...

As I'm typing now my hands are trembling, my heart is pounding and hundreds of thoughts running in my mind, all the thoughts lead to one thing "Anxiety". I'll try my best to express my feelings in words with the limited vocabulary I possess.  According to me there are 2 types of fears, the fear that has a cause and the fear that doesn't. We all have fears that have a cause like fear of meeting new people, fear of heights, fear of dark, etc. These fears can be dealt with; when we know what we are afraid of at least we have a fighting chance to overcome them. But the fears that don't have a cause are the toughest. Because, when you don't even know what's worrying you how can you deal with it? Ever since this lockdown started I'm fighting with such fears. Some nights I go to sleep just hoping to wake up to another morning. I think I have had anxiety for several years now however, I've started to notice it in this lockdown. That could be because, d...

8 billion people, the internet that keeps the world connected, thousands of books to read, endless news to watch, super smart phones to keep us entertained, and we still feel lonely. How the f*** is that even possible? I have to admit that I feel lonely for the major part of the day. I should also tell you that I have a family that loves me, relatives who care for me, friends who are just a call away and a job that I enjoy. I wonder why I still feel lonely when I have so many lovely people around me? I sat one day to figure out from when exactly did I start feeling lonely? I am definitely sure I never encountered loneliness as a child. I was maybe left alone at times but never felt lonely; even when I had no one around and had nothing to do. I think maybe it's because as a child I never thought about who I was and what I wanted? I look back and realise those are the 2 questions for all the misery in my life. Okay, let me explain. In my early childhood I didn't know th...

If God appears and gives a boon, I bet 95% of people would ask for happiness; Assuming that the remaining 5% are already happy.                                   Everything we do in our lives is for happiness. Isn't it? Some people find happiness in earning money, some in helping others, some in fame, some in taking care of family, some in hurting others and some in serving their country. The paths we choose may be different, but ultimately we want to be happy. But, how many of us are really happy with our lives? After I finished college, I was so excited that I could go to work and earn money. (At that point of time I was sure money would make me happy.) I got a job and was really excited to take my first salary. I bought everything I always wanted to buy, branded clothes, a smart phone and went on a date with my own money. Oh my god! I was so happy. Very soon I was no longer happy with what ...

If there is something we never want to talk about, it's death. We all know that death is inevitable, but why are we so frightened to talk about it? Why is it so hard for us to accept death? Are we actually worried about losing life or something else? Human lives are mostly miserable. No matter who you are and what you do, there is always never ending suffering (Kudos to you if you don't suffer). Inspite of all that we wish to live longer. Most of us don't want to die. Why is it we want to live? If you think about it we are not really worried about dying, but we are worried that we have to give up everything that we acquired and treasured in our lives. The wealth we accumulated, the family we created, the knowledge we gained, the materials we bought, etc. Isn't that right? It sounds so senseless that we can't take anything with us after death, and that thought itself makes our lives look so meaningless. Do you see it? We work so hard in our lives and think we ...