That Guy Ajay

I am not sure how many of you actually think about what to do in life, but that question has been lingering on my mind for as long as I remember and I had different answers at various times in my life. I see a successful businessman and I want to do business, I see a famous actor and I want to act, I see a powerful politician and I want to enter politics and the list never ends. In retrospection, it didn't actually matter what I wanted to become, I ultimately wanted power, fame, money, security and success. The outcome always excited me but I wonder why I never actually asked myself if I would enjoy being a businessman, a politician or an actor. What if I really work hard and become a successful businessman but I don't enjoy doing business? Maybe sometimes I'll enjoy the money, fame, power and all the rest of it that comes with success. But, is it really worth spending the majority of my life doing something that I don't enjoy? I strongly believe that life's purpose...

As I'm typing now my hands are trembling, my heart is pounding and hundreds of thoughts running in my mind, all the thoughts lead to one thing "Anxiety". I'll try my best to express my feelings in words with the limited vocabulary I possess.  According to me there are 2 types of fears, the fear that has a cause and the fear that doesn't. We all have fears that have a cause like fear of meeting new people, fear of heights, fear of dark, etc. These fears can be dealt with; when we know what we are afraid of at least we have a fighting chance to overcome them. But the fears that don't have a cause are the toughest. Because, when you don't even know what's worrying you how can you deal with it? Ever since this lockdown started I'm fighting with such fears. Some nights I go to sleep just hoping to wake up to another morning. I think I have had anxiety for several years now however, I've started to notice it in this lockdown. That could be because, d...

8 billion people, the internet that keeps the world connected, thousands of books to read, endless news to watch, super smart phones to keep us entertained, and we still feel lonely. How the f*** is that even possible? I have to admit that I feel lonely for the major part of the day. I should also tell you that I have a family that loves me, relatives who care for me, friends who are just a call away and a job that I enjoy. I wonder why I still feel lonely when I have so many lovely people around me? I sat one day to figure out from when exactly did I start feeling lonely? I am definitely sure I never encountered loneliness as a child. I was maybe left alone at times but never felt lonely; even when I had no one around and had nothing to do. I think maybe it's because as a child I never thought about who I was and what I wanted? I look back and realise those are the 2 questions for all the misery in my life. Okay, let me explain. In my early childhood I didn't know th...

If God appears and gives a boon, I bet 95% of people would ask for happiness; Assuming that the remaining 5% are already happy.                                   Everything we do in our lives is for happiness. Isn't it? Some people find happiness in earning money, some in helping others, some in fame, some in taking care of family, some in hurting others and some in serving their country. The paths we choose may be different, but ultimately we want to be happy. But, how many of us are really happy with our lives? After I finished college, I was so excited that I could go to work and earn money. (At that point of time I was sure money would make me happy.) I got a job and was really excited to take my first salary. I bought everything I always wanted to buy, branded clothes, a smart phone and went on a date with my own money. Oh my god! I was so happy. Very soon I was no longer happy with what ...

If there is something we never want to talk about, it's death. We all know that death is inevitable, but why are we so frightened to talk about it? Why is it so hard for us to accept death? Are we actually worried about losing life or something else? Human lives are mostly miserable. No matter who you are and what you do, there is always never ending suffering (Kudos to you if you don't suffer). Inspite of all that we wish to live longer. Most of us don't want to die. Why is it we want to live? If you think about it we are not really worried about dying, but we are worried that we have to give up everything that we acquired and treasured in our lives. The wealth we accumulated, the family we created, the knowledge we gained, the materials we bought, etc. Isn't that right? It sounds so senseless that we can't take anything with us after death, and that thought itself makes our lives look so meaningless. Do you see it? We work so hard in our lives and think we ...

"Live in the present", is probably the most overused phrase on the internet. There are many self-help books and motivational speakers telling us about the importance of living in this moment and all the benefits you get by doing so. I too agree that living in the moment will help you to live a happy and fulfilling life. We all know that to live in the moment is to fully enjoy the present without worrying about tomorrow or mull over the past. But, do we actually know how to apply that principle in life? I was a constant worrier. I always used to feel bad about all the decisions I took in the past and worry about the future. When I first learnt about the concept of living in the moment, I thought I had discovered the greatest technique to live life. But, it wasn't really easy to approach life with that attitude. Also, it was not possible to apply that principle in everyday life. We will definitely create more problems if we live life in the present moment without real...

Writing is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. Writing has helped me to overcome my deepest fears. There was a time when I had thoughts that have been lingering in my mind for ages. (You know the kind of thoughts that give you anxiety and won't let you sleep). I could never share my thoughts with anyone. Because, I was afraid I will be judged. It's difficult to make people understand mental problems. People sympathize with those with cuts and bruises, and not fears and worries. Anytime I tried to tell anyone that I was going through anxiety, the best advice I would get was to eat and sleep well. Honestly, if it was that simple life would be so easy for many people. We all have our own unique worries and fears which we can't share with anyone. Not because we don't want to, but it's really hard to find someone who could listen without judging you. (If you have anyone like that, consider yourself lucky and ensure that you don't lose them at an...